The Aftermath
by heatherkw
Summary: Set after Episode 1x10. Kirsten tries to process the aftermath of what Cameron had done for her. Camsten. One-shot.


A/N: Let's be honest here, I cried... they can't kill him off. I'm hoping the start of season 2 goes something like this... (or at least trying to stay in character, this is what it might look like).

A/N 2: I need to read an abundance of Camsten fluff stories, to make me feel better until the next season airs (hoping that we won't have to wait til next summer, but I have no idea!). So bring them on please!

* * *

~Kirsten's POV~

"Cameron!," I shrieked. I didn't even recognize my own voice in that moment. All I could focus on was Cameron.

 _I didn't know... I didn't know._ Why didn't he tell me?

Ayo was shocking him again, his body lifting off the table briefly. He was still flat lining.

"Cameron, please wake up." My voice was barely a whisper. "Cameron."

Another shock.

"Cameron," I said, forcing my voice to be louder. "Don't you dare leave me."

Ayo shocked him again, and someone else gave him another shot of adrenaline. People were talking, but it felt like they were muffled and far away. The only sound I heard in perfect clarity was the constant buzzing of the heart monitor, Cameron was still flat lining. Logically I knew that every second that passed reduced his chances of being revived. The four minutes had come and gone, and he wasn't back.

And another shock. No response.

Why did he have to be so reckless as to kill himself? I should have prevented him from doing that. I wanted to trust him, I really did. The sheer fact that he was willing to kill himself made me trust him, completely.

" _Want to know how you can believe me? This is how."_

But I didn't get a chance to tell him that I trusted him, before he injected himself. He wanted me to find what we needed for the case. And that's what I did, or tried to do.

I couldn't even see the license plate in his memory, so his efforts were wasted. And now I might lose him too. Just like everyone else I had cared about. My mother, Ed, and my father abandoning me. Now Cameron.

" _I need to keep you safe. Do not... not do this."_

He wanted to keep me safe, but he wasn't here to protect me anymore. Technically I had already lost him, technically he was dead. But this time was completely different. I didn't want him to die. It didn't feel like he's always been dead. I felt it, the heart wrenching pain in my chest.

" _Is this what love is? Intense connection and then heartbreaking loss."_

I relived his memories from the stitch. I felt the longing and happiness every time I was around, protection every time I went into a stitch or out in the field, jealousy and pure heartbreak when I kissed Liam, hopeful when we were talking on the porch. Love. That was what surrounded every single memory he had of me, even the smallest hint of it when we first met as children and my first day in the stitch lab. But I didn't know. He didn't tell me. And now he would never get the chance. I wouldn't get to ask him about it.

Ayo shocked him again. I heard it. A faint heart beat on the monitor.

"Cameron, wake up." I hoped he heard me. What seemed like an eternity had passed, and I heard another heart beat on the monitor. Then another. Ayo was checking his vitals. She said that his heart rate was low, but stabilizing, and his blood pressure was increasing.

"Get him to the medical bay. Now!" I heard Maggie speak behind me.

I followed right behind them, not wanting to leave his side for a second. I was vaguely aware that Camille and Linus had followed also.

Ayo had finished checking over Cameron, attaching the last of the electrode monitoring pads. She said that he was stable now, we just had to wait for him to wake up. I pulled up the chair next to his bed, waiting.

"Kirsten," Camille said. "Let's get you changed out of the stitch suit." She wrapped her arm around my shoulder as if to pull me up. I refused, shrugging off her grip on me.

"I'm not leaving him."

"You heard Ayo, he's stable. You can take a minute to change. Linus will even stay here with him."

"No, I'm not leaving," I insisted.

She sighed. I'm sure she knew that she couldn't get me to do something that I didn't want to do.

"Alright, I'll go get your clothes," she said as she walked out the door.

Linus was still here in the room. "He's going to be okay. He's going to be okay." He kept muttering to himself.

My gaze was on Cameron this whole time. He didn't look any different than when he was technically dead, his face lacking any emotion, his skin pale. I didn't like it. But the constant blips on the heart monitor reassured me that he was still here with me.

I heard the door open again. Camille handed me my clothes and a towel to dry off. "We'll be right outside if you need us." She pulled Linus away and left the room.

Ayo came up beside me. She checked over Cameron one more time. "He's stable. He'll pull through. I'll give you a minute, just open the door after you change." My focus didn't leave Cameron, but I heard the door open and then close. She must have left.

I quickly dried off and changed back into my clothes. I didn't want to leave his side, not even to open the door back up for Ayo. I rationalized that if anything happened to him, I needed her. I rushed to the door and opened it a crack. I'm sure she would figure it out. I resumed my post sitting next to Cameron.

I pulled his left hand in both of mine. The contact made it hurt less, but only a little. I felt the pulse at his wrist with my fingertips, it was comforting.

* * *

… a few hours later...

Camille and Linus had stayed with me, but they were tired and heading home for the night. Ayo had assured them that Cameron would be fine. Except he wasn't awake yet.

It was just Ayo and I now. "Kirsten, he'll be fine. He just needs to recover."

I kept replaying his memories over and over in my mind, seeing myself through his eyes.

" _If you promise me no more secrets."_

Except he kept the biggest secret of all. He loved me, and he didn't say anything. He _promised_ me no more secrets. I could feel my own emotions, as muted as they were, replace any residual emotion I was feeling. Anger, that was the most prominent emotion. It was welling up in my chest, threatening to burst out. But it was useless since he couldn't hear me even if I did want to yell at him. Concern and protection. For once in our relationship, he needed protecting. I would stay by his side to make sure that he was safe. Love. I loved him. I just didn't realize it until I almost lost him, and I never wanted to lose him again.

I was rubbing his hand gently with my thumb, as I had been for the last few hours. His hand flexed slightly underneath mine.

"Cameron," I whispered.

"Hey Stretch." It was good to hear his voice again. I was almost afraid that I would never hear it again.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Ayo was over in an instant, checking him over. "Cameron, you pulled through. But you need to take it easy for a while."

"Will do," he responded. She left the room, to give us a moment alone I assume.

"Hey, did you get the license plate?"

I didn't realize I was smiling, until he asked that question. It immediately left my face, my usual cold expression returned. "No. Your memory was distorted. I couldn't make out the plate."

"Distorted? Why would it be distorted?"

"Linus said it was because you were only clinically dead. Your brain was fighting back."

"Oh," was all he said.

"Cameron, you died. They didn't think you could come back. Ayo said you were gone for five minutes and twelve seconds. Promise me that you won't do anything that reckless ever again. Ever," I reiterated.

"Alright, I promise." The look in his eyes seemed genuine.

"Good. Get some rest." I smiled at him gently. I rested my head on top of my arms at the side of his bed, keeping one of my hands on his. I turned away, faking going to sleep. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, and tell him. I knew if I started though, I wouldn't be able to stop. Ayo had told him to take it easy, and I didn't think a heated conversation was her definition of taking it easy.

* * *

… a week later...

I was in his kitchen, making breakfast for us. Scrambled eggs and toast with orange juice. Cameron was under observation for two days following his stunt. I had stayed with him the whole time in the medical bay. He was cleared to go home, and I insisted on staying with him then too. I pulled Maggie away before Ayo finished up, and I told her that I would stay with Cameron. I had prepared for her to argue, but she simply agreed with me. There still weren't any leads on the case, so we had no idea if 'they' would try another attack. Ayo stopped by every day, to check up on him. Yesterday she had told him to start easing himself into his normal routine.

I was just finishing breakfast, dividing the eggs on the two plates and setting them at his dining room table. I walked into Cameron's bedroom to wake him up. He was sleeping on the bed we had been sharing since he came home. The first night there, I said I would sleep on the couch. And I tried, but couldn't shake the fear of worrying about him. It was 3:04am when I snuck into his bedroom, and laid down next to him under the covers. That next morning, he didn't say anything on the matter. So the next night when he went to bed, he just asked "You coming?" and I followed.

I touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Cameron, breakfast is ready."

"Be right there," he said as he rolled over. That was typical Cameron in the morning though. He needed a minute or two to wake up.

I went out to the dining room and waited for him. Typical Cameron didn't fail, as it was two minutes earlier that I woke him up. He walked over, in just his sweatpants and sat at the table. I thought he was more comfortable around me, although I didn't ask him directly. He said that it allowed Ayo to check his vitals quicker without the shirt. She usually came by in the morning, around 9am. It was 7:50am, so we had plenty of time before she stopped by.

We ate in silence. Just like every other morning, he finished eating before he asked. "So, when are you going to tell me what happened in the stitch?"

I continued to lie to him. Partly because I didn't want to yell at him for keeping things from me, and partly because I wanted him to tell me on his own. "As I've said before, everything moved too quickly. I couldn't see much until Camille redirected your memories." I think he could sense that I was lying, because he kept asking every day.

"Huh," was his only reply.

I cleaned up breakfast, and he brought up Doctor Who on Netflix. I finished washing the dishes, and curled up next to him on the couch. Initially I thought that the close contact might make him open up and talk to me, tell me his feelings. He never did.

That was our routine. I made breakfast, we cuddled on the couch and watched Doctor Who, Ayo would check on him, we had lunch, and then Camille and Linus were usually over for dinner. We either ordered take out or Camille and I would cook for the guys.

* * *

… a few days later...

Breakfast this morning was ham and cheese omelets with a side of hash browns. Cameron wanted tea, but I opted for orange juice with mine. I had just finished setting the table when I heard him behind me. "You know, you really don't have to keep babying me," as he sat down.

"It's nice that I can take care of you for a change." The circumstances that led up to this were not nice at all. But he was always taking care of me, so it was nice to return the favor.

We ate in silence and watched another episode of Doctor Who. Ayo's familiar knock was at the door. She had only been by once the last few days, since he was doing much better. She insisted that I call her if anything strange happened though, and I promised that I would. I answered the door, looking through the peep hole before opening it. She checked over Cameron. She had usually just said "you're all good," and left. But she was hesitating this time. Was something wrong?

I didn't get the chance to ask her before she spoke. "Maggie wants you both back at the office on Monday. I'm clearing Cameron to go back to work." It was Friday, so he still had another few days to relax.

"Alright, we'll be there," he replied. "Thanks Ayo."

"Of course. See you on Monday." He closed the door after her.

We walked back over to the couch. I was intent on resuming Doctor Who, but Cameron's hand gently stopped me before I could pick up the remote. He turned towards me, nudging my knee until I turned towards him too. I was hoping I could avoid this conversation forever, but it seems that he wanted to talk.

"Kirsten, I need you to tell me what happened in the stitch. You heard Ayo, I'm fine." I stared at my hands in my lap, unwilling to say anything. "Come on Stretch, I know you're keeping something from me. Just tell me. You promised no more secrets."

That's when I snapped. Promises worked both ways. "Do you really want to know what I saw?" I didn't wait for him to answer. I was suddenly very angry, clenching my fists, and raising my voice. "I saw me. You didn't tell me Cameron. I didn't know because you didn't say anything. And you still haven't said anything." He looked hurt and confused, but I had to continue. "Do your promises even mean anything? You _promised_ me no more secrets. You promised..." I unclenched my fists, feeling the anger dissipate, replaced by another emotion. A tear fell down my face. Disappointment and sadness... well crap.

* * *

~Cameron's POV~

My hand was on her cheek, wiping away the tear. My hand lingered there, caressing her cheek. That was a tough blow that she threw at me, and I was stalling. I had no idea that she saw all of... well I don't know what exactly, but I certainly had an idea. She knew that I loved her, and I never said anything. She was angry at me. Then it hit me. "Are you sure this isn't just residual emotion?," I asked.

That mustn't have been the right thing to say, considering the death stare that I got back. "You and I both know residual emotion doesn't last this long. Usually a few days, max. And unless you were angry at me, I don't see how it could be residual emotion," she spewed out at me. Well looks like her anger was back. She was right though.

"Kirsten," I started softly, hoping my tone would calm her down. "I..." What were the right words I was looking for? "I didn't think that you felt the same. So that's why I never said anything. Then there was Liam, and then there wasn't. The timing didn't seem right." I moved my hand through her blonde locks, needing something to do with my hands.

Her face softened a little. "I haven't left your side for the last almost two weeks, to make sure you were okay. And you don't think that I love you too?"

I was shocked. I hardly thought she would admit to liking me, let alone that she loved me. I was at a loss for words.

"Cameron, I thought I lost you and my heart felt like it ripped in half... You were reckless and I thought I lost you." Another tear rolled down her cheek.

It occurred to me that I never apologized for that. "Hey, I'm so sorry. I promise to never be that reckless again." She looked at me with disbelief. "I really promise this time, okay?" I pulled her in for a hug, stroking her hair in our embrace. I felt her body shaking beneath mine, she was sobbing into my shoulder. "It's okay Kirsten. I'm here." I hugged her tighter. After a while, her sobs had lessened. I would have been content to stay like this, but her hands were on my shoulders pushing me away. I almost thought I did something wrong, but her hands moved up from my shoulders and she was running her fingers through my hair and linked them behind my neck.

"Cameron," she whispered. "I can't lose you again... I love you." I could only see pure adoration in her eyes as she spoke. She was searching my eyes as well, and I knew she saw the same.

"Kirsten, baby, I love you too. I'm not going anywhere." There was no way I could make up for the lost time from my earlier hesitations, for not saying something sooner. But I could prevent more lost time from occurring. I leaned in to kiss her, just as she met me halfway. I pressed my lips to hers gently, savoring every second of our kiss. It was sweet, the way first kisses should be. My hands went to her hips, pulling her closer and her hands brought my neck closer to her. Her lips were soft and tasted faintly of orange juice. She smiled into the kiss, ending it. She gave me another brief kiss before pulling away. I kept her close though, our foreheads still touching. I studied her face, the blush was growing on her cheeks. It was adorable, and I could look at it every day for the rest of my life.

Technically it was our second kiss, although she didn't remember the first. I playfully asked, "So do you think you'll remember this first kiss?" I kissed her cheek, not wanting to move an inch away from her.

"I remember our first kiss," she giggled. "Or at least I saw them through your memories. It's permanently ingrained up here now," she pointed to her head.

Before I could ask her what else she saw, her lips were on mine again. There was an underlying intensity in this kiss, more passionate than the last. I swiped her bottom lip with my tongue, to which she happily allowed me access. Her hands were running down my chest, lingering at the scar there.

All my worries and fears fell away. I loved her, and she loved me back. It only took dying for us to act on it. I wouldn't make that mistake again with her.


End file.
